Age-Gap Trope: Five Reasons We Love It!

The age-gap trope taking over Netflix

If you loved The Idea of You, starring sexy leads Nicholas Galitzine and Anne Hathaway, you’re probably a fan of the age-gap trope.

Hayes is a 24-year-old rock star (in the book, he’s only 20) who is charmed by 40-year-old Solène when she accidentally wanders into his trailer at Coachella, mistaking it for a public bathroom. Though Hayes seems thunderstruck at first sight, Solène’s feelings spool out over the course of the next few hours as she watches Hayes in his element, signing photos for fans, singing, dancing, even dedicating a special song to the woman he’s just met.

There’s no denying the chemistry of these two actors. Just look at that steamy photo! But even setting aside this couple’s on-screen connection, there’s something about the age-gap trope, specifically the younger-man/older-woman (YMOW) romance, we can’t seem to resist.

Why do we love it so?

Is it possible to pinpoint the “special sauce” of the YMOW dynamic that draws us in as readers and viewers? I’m no sociologist, but I am a writer. This is the stuff that occupies my brain!

Before we go any further, let me state very clearly that I’m referring to adults well past the age of consent. Let’s use movie-Hayes’s 24 years as our lower bound. While there are fewer hard-and-fast rules on the upper age limit for the older partner, let’s keep our leading lady within 25 years of her partner for the sake of this conversation.

Let’s break this down by comparing and contrasting two YMOW couples: the Hayes/Solène pairing from The Idea of You and the Henry/Thea pairing from Fixer Upper, a standalone offshoot from the Cupid’s Fall series.

First, a word about Fixer Upper

FIXER UPPER: A steamy age-gap romcom novella

Newly divorced Thea Delaney is enjoying a peaceful first evening in her very own home when her bathtub crashes through the ceiling. Enter Henry, the handsome, young handyman with a killer smile and perfect biceps. Thea is smitten.

Reeling from a breakup, Henry Cooper just wants to put in an honest day’s work, but the handsy cougars won’t leave him alone. When Henry goes to work for Thea, a curvy, middle-aged teacher, he is charmed by her easy blush and intrigued by the juicy paperback on her nightstand.

Weeks of flirty banter crank up the tension, but if Henry can’t convince Thea his attraction is real before the project is done, their fragile connection will fold like a house of cards.

Top 5 reasons the age-gap trope zings the heartstrings

1. Power Imbalance

Power comes in many forms. Youth and beauty, experience and money, talent, career, confidence, freedom, support, fame. Every couple deals with some level of imbalance, but by definition, an age-gap romance starts right off the blocks with built-in imbalance. With imbalance naturally comes conflict, which is the pivot point for a great story!

In general, readers of this trope might expect the younger of the couple to be the more physically attractive, more energetic, have less baggage to carry in terms of exes or children, be less jaded about the world. In general, readers of this trope might expect the older of the couple to be more experienced in the ways of the world, less controlled by physical passions, more serious about a career, more interested in the security of a relationship, more constrained by the past.

Obviously, every characteristic is a sliding scale – and this is where the fun comes in! The art of the age-gap trope lies in challenging these generalities to create an unexpected and enduring dynamic.

Here’s how our stories do Power Imbalance:

Hayes/Solène
These two flip the script in delicious ways. While Hayes’s sex appeal is undeniable, Anne Hathaway is no slouch! Hayes’s rock star career affords him a world-weariness unusual in such a young man. Solène has an ex and a daughter (nearly Hayes’s age) to navigate. Hayes is sensitive, thoughtful, talented, and serious about his commitment to Solène. While she admits to loving Hayes, she’s not willing to tie him down or incorporate him into her life in any meaningful way. Ouch.

Henry/Thea
Though Thea’s older, Henry is more mature in many ways. Thea carries a heavy load of shame from a failed marriage, an embarrassing fantasy life, and some extra weight she packed on over the years. Henry is an accomplished carpenter, but shying away from his true passion (painting) makes him feel like a fraud. They’ve both spent too long with the wrong partners, so there is a lot of pent-up sexual energy on both sides. Thea employs Henry, which gives her an upper hand in their power dynamic.

2. Relatable

82% of romance readers are women whose average age is 42 (according to a recent study of Romance Book Genre Sales Statistics). It’s not a stretch to say that many of us readers can relate to the fantasy of a younger, sweet, sensitive, virile, stunningly good-looking man being attracted to a slightly older female lead.

Relatable may not equate to realistic, but that’s where the fantasy of romance enters the room.

Here’s how our stories do Relatable:

Hayes/Solène
Enter the divorced mom of a teenage child. She’s unattached romantically when she meets Hayes, but part of her naturally holds back because that young man she is insanely attracted to is not only (almost) the right age to be her son, but he’s exactly the right age to be her daughter’s boyfriend. Hence why she tells Hayes she’s ashamed by “the idea of you.” What a delicious dilemma!

Henry/Thea
Thea’s not the same size as when she slid into that wedding dress. And after only being with one man for as long as she can remember, the idea of letting another man see her naked is terrifying. Perhaps we, like Thea, would rather pick up a book than go to the gym? Is it any wonder Thea escapes to her naughty pirate fantasies? Wink.

3. Taboo

The very idea of the YMOW romance is a taboo.

We hear of “robbing the cradle” – a horrifying metaphor. The older woman is called a “cougar,” the implication being that she has stalked her prey.

Here’s how our stories do Taboo:

Hayes/Solène
Poor Hayes and Solène! Once the paparazzi gets wind of their relationship, H and S are forever trying to dodge the cameras. Her daughter is mortified. The comments on social media are as hideous as we’d expect them to be. The world vilifies Solène, whose age has automatically rendered her unworthy, for snagging Hayes from their possible future clutches. She’s embarrassed to introduce him to her friends.

Henry/Thea
Henry knows a cougar when he sees one, thanks to the handsy women he’s worked for in the past, and Thea is anything but. Her sense of propriety inhibits even her innermost fantasies and makes her feel like a terrible person and a romantic fool all at the same time. Her inhibitions become their biggest obstacle.

4. Depth

No romance works without a believable intimacy, and this is where the age-gap trope really has to make sure the physical attraction doesn’t become the end-all, be-all. Because the truth is, they’re going to age – Spoiler alert! – and not at the same rate. We need to know our characters’ relationship will endure.

Here’s how the issue is normally addressed: he’s an old soul, sees her like no one else, and makes her feel sexy (again). She appreciates him for more than his pretty face (and gorgeous body) but also makes him feel like a god.

Here’s how our stories do Depth:

Hayes/Solène
Hayes is a musician and a talented songwriter. Artists are almost automatically assumed to be deep. There’s also something very sexy about how sure he is that he wants Solène – and that he’ll wait for her. He never wavers for a moment on his feelings, nor is he shy about sharing them with her. Solène does drop everything to follow him on tour but realizes she’s a fish out of water when she tries to fit in with his friends. It’s clear she appreciates his many gifts, she has a very hard time trusting that he is mature enough to give up everything and choose her.

Henry/Thea
Henry is used to “being catnip for older women.” Unlike most guys his age, Henry would rather pick up a paintbrush than head to a bar (another artist!). When he falls for someone, he falls hard – and it’s always for the wrong person. His good looks actually get in the way of his attempts to woo Thea because she can never wrap her head around why he wants her. Thea feels like a silly schoolgirl around Henry, but once she makes herself vulnerable, the sparks fly!

5. Angst

Why oh why do romance readers love angst? I guess because it feels that much better when it all works out in the end?

It’s a given that Reality, that evil witch, will rear her ugly head and the couple will be kept (or torn) apart, and man, it’s gonna hurt. Actions have consequences; people get hurt. But what fun to discover if the pair can – if they WILL – claw their way back to each other!

Here’s how our stories do Angst:

Hayes/Solène
Oh, the scandal when Solène’s daughter finds out – not to mention her ex-husband! But in the end, it’s Solène’s internal struggle with her shame that breaks these two apart. So they make a deal to come back in five years and see if their feelings hold up. A long time in real life but a pretty quick montage in movie land.

Henry/Thea
Henry can see how much Thea wants him and how much she wishes she could believe he really wants her too, but her damaged self-esteem is an obstacle he’s not sure he can overcome. He worries his advances, which she receives as teasing, might actually cause her further pain and shame. Thea is her own worst enemy. If only she could see herself as Henry sees her.

SO, have I got you hungry for your next YM/OW age-gap romcom?

If you’re a fan of the YM/OW age-gap trope, you might enjoy Henry and Thea’s tale. It’s a quick, fun, steamy novella.

Here are two ways you can grab Fixer Upper and fall in love with Henry and Thea!

Download Fixer Upper for 99¢

Buy the Cupid’s Fall box set and get Fixer Upper (and Thea’s recipe book) FREE!

For more scoop on Henry and Thea, head to the Fixer Upper page .

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Beth Greenberg