It’s all about the critique!
I can’t seem to resist a microfiction contest! There’s something about the challenge of writing a whole story in just 100 words that really appeals to the storyteller in me. Then, throw in the 24-hour time limit and add 59 other writers to the group, and there’s a contest I cannot resist! But at the end of day, what draws me back each time is the very high quality critique from other writers and judges.
I’ve blogged previously about the thrill of participating in flash fiction contests. My favorite offerings come from the folks at NYC Midnight. The NYCM contests were so named because the participants receive the story prompts (a genre, an action, and a word that must be used in the story) on Friday at midnight (New York City time). We then have 24 or 48 hours to submit a story. While this operation started out as a screenwriting contest, they have now expanded into flash fiction (1000-word stories), short story (2500 words), and microfiction (100 words) – possibly my favorite.
Critique comes from three sources
Probably my favorite aspect of the NYCM contests is the writers’ forum. After submitting our stories, we are able to post them to a forum visible only to the other participants. It’s always fun to read what others in your group have created with the same prompts, and there’s a chance to offer critique to each other. As with the writing, the critiques vary in quality, but I have found some of my favorite critique partners through this process.
Which brings me to the biggest benefit – before I submit my contest piece, I’ve already vetted it with at least three peers. The contest folks not only condone this, they encourage it. Best of all, I can actually see how my stories get better and better with each round of edits.
Once stories are submitted, they are judged by professional editors hired by the hosting contest. Each story receives comments from 3 judges, including both what they liked about the story and what they believe could make the story better. The top 1/4 of each group of 60-ish writers moves forward to the next round. Typically, there are three rounds, though the 1000-word flash consists of two “heats” for round one, so your entry fee will buy you two different story critique opportunities.
Sharing my pre- and post-critique versions
I thought it might be fun to share my most recent 100-word microfiction – both the submitted version (which earned me a spot in round two) and the rewrite I produced (for practice) based on judges’ feedback. I welcome your feedback on either version. And while you’re here, feel free to give micro a try with my prompts:
Genre: SUSPENSE/THRILLER
Action: TURNING OFF AN OVEN
Word to be used: “HIDE”
AS SUBMITTED:
LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE
On Richard O’Toole’s forty-third birthday, his wife made cupcakes for breakfast.
“Life is uncertain,” joked Lynette, turning off the oven.
“I don’t deserve you, Netta.”
“Don’t I know it.”
He scowled at the silly hat. “Must I?”
“Yes. Hand me your phone.”
“Why?”
“For your children, dear.”
“Fine.” He opened the camera to hide his text messages. “Here.”
“Make a wish!” Netta snapped his picture.
“No frosting for you?” He licked his fingers.
“Nope. You get double this year.”
“I’m the luckiest man alive.”
She slid Richard his phone. Brittney’s nude selfie stared up at him.
“Yeah, you really were.”
JUDGES’ FEEDBACK
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY
- This is a tight, tense story. Clever use of dialogue and actions tell a different story underneath the surface. Nicely done!
- The story opens with a sure-footed and entertaining narrative voice that will allow readers to comfortably settle in to listen to a skilled storyteller. Further, the story’s structure is excellently paced with succinct and vivid details selected; for example, how Richard scowls at the silly hat and later licks his fingers says volumes about him and does so in few words.
- It’s quite compelling to read this dialogue-driven piece that captures the characters’ tone and additionally provides necessary information, such as when Netta says, “For your children, dear.” The plot development is engaging.
- OH boy. Busted in the act. And on his birthday, too. I think the story has a good narrative arc and I like how it is mainly told through dialogue.
- The story is lively and holds my attention to the end.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK
- Did Netta do anything to the cupcakes? Did she know about Richard’s infidelity? Or did she just find out when she took his picture? Give us a little bit more to let us know. Just pare down a few words here and there to make room for a final reveal.
- On the one hand, the final line is good and presents a clever dialogue line; on the other hand, this moment does not feel stunning or surprising. The shock occurs in the penultimate line. One potential revision approach might be to include an unexpected behavior in either character, but it alternately might impart an emotionally evocative reaction to Richard’s obviously being caught. One example for illustration purposes is, maybe he feels the remnants of the icing drying on his fingers, making the skin there tighten and crack, thus becoming a representative metaphor for the tight space he’s gotten himself into and the way he’s broken his life.
- We get the idea that something is up about halfway through the story, but for a suspense story, I would get that out as close to the beginning as you can so that you can build up the tension of him getting caught throughout the story. Also, I want to get more of an idea if his wife knows or if she only discovers his affair when she gets the phone.
REWRITE AFTER CRITIQUE:
LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE
On Richard O’Toole’s forty-third birthday, his wife made cupcakes for breakfast.
“I don’t deserve you, Netta.”
“Oh, I know,” joked Lynette, turning off the oven.
He scowled at the silly hat. “Must I?”
“Yep. Your phone, please.”
“Mine?”
“Honestly! Hiding something?” She smirked.
“Yeah right.” He opened the camera to hide his text messages.
“Smile!” Netta snapped his picture.
“This frosting’s delicious!” Richard licked his fingers.
“New recipe. Like it?”
“Yes. Not having any?”
“Nope, all for you,” Netta said.
“I’m the luckiest man alive.”
“Yeah.” She turned Richard’s phone – and Brittney’s nude selfie – toward him. “You really were.”
What do you think?
Do you think the judges were right?
Is the second version an improvement?
What other critique would you offer me? I love learning! Remember though – I’m stuck with those prompts (at least for now!).
Thanks for reading and playing along!
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